Correct Usage of the Word Cute

cute[kyoot]  adjective,

1. attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment.
2. affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious: The child has acquired some intolerably cute mannerisms.
3. mentally keen; clever; shrewd.

Usage of the word cute has really been bothering me.  I have decided, therefore, that I would write my own correct usage of the word cute.

1.  A female may at any time and in any way use the word cute however they deem it applicable.
2.  A male may use the word cute only under the following circumsances:
    a. When referring to a female of any age: she is a cute girl.
    b. When referring to a child.  The age limit is generally somewhere around puberty.  As a child gets older, the usage of the world cute decreases exponentially to describe that child: that’s a cute babyhe is a cute little boy, although one more year and he won’t be cute anymore.  (note there is no age limit for calling a female cute, only males)
    c. When referring to an animal.  The same exponential scale of cute applies to animals.  A little kitten, puppy, chick, etc can be called cute no matter the case (excpet possible Chernobyl like deformities).  As the animal gets older, the usage decreases.  Cats aren’t as cute as kittens, dogs aren’t as cute as puppies, etc: what a cute little kitten; that dog used to be so cute, now its just ugly.
d. Never can cute be used to decribe any non-living thing.  A male may never call an article of clothing, house, color, or any other in-animate object or idea cute.  The only exception is when in calling something cute you are actually referring to something that fits rules a-c.  For example, a man can never say, “That is a cute shirt.” but is perfectly within his rights to say, “That shirt looks cute on you woman.”  The addition of the prepositional phrase “on you woman” makes all the difference.  In this case, the woman (which fits rule a.) is actually the one being called cute.

I hope this clears up some confusion some of you may have had about the correct usage of the word cute.  I expect comments on this post.  “But you never comment on my posts” you may be saying.  Well, that is the precise reason that I have not posted any comments on any of your posts.  So its reciprocal. If you were to start the cycle of commenting by posting on my Xanga, I would in return post to your Xanga, and then you would in return post again on mine, creating a cycle of neverending posting. You have no one to blame but yourself for no posts.  Oh, and I am immune from this argument being used against me, because I’m the originator of the argument…and because I said so. Ready, set, reply.

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